Twelve

Birthday today: You don’t want to know.
Star birthdays: David Letterman, which makes for a good argument for posting this as a poem and a good argument against it.
(Video can also be found here)

Aries (21 March-20 April) Cancel your lunch appointment and make a detour to an Asian buffet that involves at least three trips to the dessert cart.
Taurus (21 April-21 May) Emphasize in your remarks that you don’t know how a flagrant racist could come to work in your media corporation.
Gemini (22 May-22 June) Your lawsuit should include the damages incurred by not only preordering the Here Comes Everybody anthology but by the fact that you rented hundreds of thousands of lunch carts and pay toilets with the expectation that everyone was coming and your deposits are not refundable.
Cancer (23 June-23 July) José Bové isn’t going to win, but who cares?
Leo (24 July-23 August) Your witty banter and terminology-intensive yarns about the early days of the Situationists are certain to keep that Eastern European stunner from going back to her ex to shoot up heroin again.
Virgo (24 August-23 September) Treat your apostles to an after dinner cognac and broach the question of which one of them betrayed you later.
Libra (24 September-23 October) A poetry flame war will take your mind off the easily resolved problems in your relationship.
Scorpio (24 October-22 November) Even if your anti-war resolution is non-binding, you won’t encounter anyone in your sheltered existence that is affected either way.
Sagittarius (23 November-22 December) You can quote Bela Akhmadulina on your blog til the cows come home, but you’re fucked no matter what you do.
Capricorn (23 December-19 January) So what are you doing with this guy?
Aquarius (20 January-19 February) I’m just going to project my anxiety on you now.
Pisces (20 February-20 March) When making your presentation to the board of directors, just say that the venture is sure to be a success because your horoscope says so.